What Made Him So Cold
by LuvsDaDark
Summary: The beautifully haunting Sesshomaru who wanders in search of things unknown to even himself. He has always been a supporting character but here he assumes center stage. In the tale of his mysterious life which unravels before the readers very eyes.
1. The Journal

This is the story of Sesshomaru's life told in first person point of view. The first few paragraphs are set up and not part of Sesshomaru's tale. I got inspiration for this story from a dream. That remarkably didn't involve any form or trace of the Inu-Yasha plot line. As for my other story I'm going to get back on that. I kind of had writers block. Sorry for the wait.

"Get back here you little shit!" Voices echoed from behind me in a taunting manor. I turned the corner at full speed my feet slapping down on the hard concrete my breath came in gasps. My backpack beat against my side widely. I held onto its strap as if urging it to make me run faster. I didn't dare look behind me, knowing it would only slow my progress; just a few more blocks. The neighborhood seemed unaffected by the treachery which was taking place in it. No one looked out there windows to see a frightened boy. I ran across the unoccupied road and over unto the side walk where my feet continued to carry me.

It was a scorching day and the steam rose up from the sideways. I was out of the neighborhood entrance and fast approaching town. My mind calculated the fastest route through town and home; all the while the drumming of many feet behind me mixing with mine.

I raced past the ice cream pallor which was uninhabited except for those who wiped down the counters. I didn't bother to look both ways as I raced across yet another road; ignoring the "walk" and "don't walk" signs. I took another turn onto Cherrynut and Martin. Since I'd been small I had been bullied but when I had entered high school it had gotten worse. I was small for a boy and made fun of because of my loveliness the other boys thought it funny to see me cry and one of there favorite past times was to chase me to and from school. They'd only ever caught me once I shivered at that memory. Never again would they catch me. I told no one of my problems living in a sexist society where men where not supposed to cry and be brave, suck it up I would be made even more fun of for my inability to take care of myself.

I went to jump the curve onto the sidewalk but I knew I wouldn't make even before my foot caught the ledge I threw my hands out to catch me. It sent a painful vibration through my wrists. My left knee caught the weight of my lower body. I bit back a yelp. I heard laughter behind me, gaining on me. I shoved myself back up gathering my book bag back over my shoulder. I continued to run but the fall had affected my speed. And each time my left foot hit the pavement a grimacing pain shoot through my left knee. My hands stung. I knew they where bleeding, I wasn't going to be able to make it home in this shape. I took the next turn and pushed open a shop door slamming it behind me I leaned against it closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. No one tried to enter. I opened my eyes. The shop was dim and musky I couldn't see the end of it. I assumed it was small judging by the outside of it but there was no way to be sure. Bookshelves where blocking the view of back of the store pilled high with books, I peaked outside the old dusty window but quickly pulled my head back they were looking for me wandering around in awe of my disappearing act. I backed away from the door into the shadows of the shop. Farther and farther I backed into shadows avoiding the over crowded bookshelves. Finally I turned around I was probably about 25 feet into the small shop and still could not see the end.

"Hello!?" My own voice was hollow piercing the eerie silence. No one answered. It appeared vacant.

"Hello?" Maybe the owner was out. I walked farther into the store weaving in and out of the selves. I caught the titles of a few worn book spines. They read thing such as: "Secret art of the Ninja," and "The dream Journal." They all appeared to be used. I could no longer see the front of the store and after a few more turns I encountered the back of the store. A small seating area was set up in the corner where a dim lamp provided enough light to read by. I tossed my bag into the worn chair and flopped into an over stuffed bean bag. I wondered how long I would have to wait until the others gave up there search for me. After about twenty minutes of sitting with nothing to do I stood, reading generally wasn't my thing but anything to pass the time. And rid my mind of the horrid images of the others throwing open the shop door and charging in to find me with no place to run. I walked through some of the shelves picking small bits of rock from my bruised hands. After garbing a few titles that looked somewhat interesting I retreated back to my seat nestling in to the bean-bag chair. The titles deceived them they were all about politics and other matters of the late 19th century. One wasn't even in Japanese. I tossed them on the floor beside me and pulled an apple from my bag. Taking a large bite I continued my search. I flipped through the pages of a few picture books tucking them under my arm for further assessment.

What a crappie bookstore no manga at all just a bunch of history books. I was about to return to my seat when a small worn velvet book caught my eye. It lay on top of one of the many bookshelves like someone had examined it but didn't bother to put it back. Finishing the rest of my apple I set the core next to the book making a trade I retreated back to my seat.

Some of the images in the picture books were quite interesting in a bazaar kind of way. But didn't hold my interest for long I tossed them in my forgotten pile and preceded to pick up a velvet book. I looked at the spine and cover flipping it over to inspect it, there was no title. I cracked it open. The first few pages were blank and I was about to close it when lettering caught my eye. It looked like it was written by hand. Or a computer that had a classic style script font. The pages were crisp and yellow tinted displaying the books age. I felt a sudden leap of anticipation soar through my mind. I had found a real treasure; I pulled the teddy grams out of my bag. I hardly ever ate my lunch at school I avoided the cafeteria in fear of public humiliation. Settling back into my bean bag I began to read. . .

There has never been a story like mine ever told not in the vast expanse of my life have I ever encountered a story like mine. I sit in my study tonight as I have the night before now and as I will the nights after until my final days. Which will be when ever I chose to take my own life; for I' am ageless forever unchanging with the face of a twenty-one year old. I' am not immortal though I can die. I just merely know there is not one strong enough to kill me. Not even my brother. Who shares only half my blood. I do not write this story for anyone but the soul purpose of myself just like everything else I do. I do not expect the reader to take pity on my soul or the souls of those I have affected in my existence. I do think anyone will ever read this. Other then I and then I will only read it once that is while I write it. I write it so that I may live on even after my mortal form has passed from this earth. For there is only one thing that truly out lasts the decades and that is memory as long as one soul knows my story I' am not dead. I will live on forever.

In the winter of my twenty-first year I went out on horse back it had been 2 years since my mother had passed from this world, forgotten. I vowed I would never suffer the same fate. My father wasted no time mourning her death. My father and I were not close in fact we'd spoken scarcely even when my mother had been alive. Let me say it was not because I did not desire to talk to my father. As every growing boy does, but my father was a proud man. And very busy; he governed the Western Lands and had little time for small talk. I was taught to follow in his footsteps and at a young age all emotion was stripped from my life. It was too easy to be over ruled if your enemies knew your weakness. And I'd been born restless, the dreamer the angry one, the complainer.

The times I did spend with my father I cherished and they were filled with talk of the old days, of forgotten wars and the powerful demon I would become. I was marked with the Hitkaru as every first son of a powerful demon was. A reversed crescent moon. Showing all that I was the heir to my fathers status thus The Western Lands and not to be tampered with. I set out on horse back in one final feeble attempt to convince my father that he was mad.

In the year after my mother's death my father had met a young mortal woman. And had become infatuated with her; how far there relationship had blossomed I did not know and did not wish to know. But I suspected they had lain together. After his battle with the legendary Ryokutse he had discovered the young mortal women had been taken back to her home village and was sworn to ever leave again. Enraged my father set out after her still severely wounded. This had been the story I'd managed to retrieve from a very frightened Myoga who had come in search of me after my father's flight. I had managed to track him by his demonic aura to Pride Cliff. Where he seemed to just be waiting; I emerged from the trees not bothering to chain my horse. Myoga hopped in front of me to his Lord. He stood in a silhouette outlined by the moon. I stopped a few yards away. I could see his wounds and heard his rapid breathing.

I spoke first a sting of betrayal in my voice. "You do not truly intend to go father?"

"And what? Will you stop me Sesshomaru? Would you kill your own father?" His voice was so like mine only scarred with the passing of age. His long pony tail billowed in the breeze. The accusation hit home. It was true that I had often desired to be the one to send my father to the grave. He was the most powerful demon in all the land and to truly be capable of ruling the Western lands; his demise was inevitable. I wanted to be the one to rid him of his pain the one to close his eyes. And a part of me wished he would tell me I did not need to rule the Western Lands that he would always be there. I could not answer his question not the way he wished me too. So instead we stood in silence.

"Tell me Sesshomaru do you have someone to protect?" The question took me by surprise but I didn't let it show on my emotionless face. I could not wait this one out with silence he expected an answer. I wracked my mind for anyone I thought worth protecting. The answer was no. I thought chilled me slightly I had no one to protect I honestly cared for no other living soul.

"The answer is no father. This Sesshomaru has no one to protect." The wind whipped around us whistling through the trees. And I realized in that moment my father knew he would not come back. I took a step forward I would not let him throw his life away. I would not let him die without me there I took a step forward to deliver a fatal blow but stopped as he morphed into his elegant demon form a massive dog. The last thing I ever saw of my father was him leaping from the mountain top into the forests below. I never saw him again he was gone from my life. Locking away the rest of my emotions and Freezing my already cold heart.

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There's chapter 1! I hope you enjoyed please read and review!

LUVS!!!


	2. Chapter 1

Here's chapter 2!

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The night my father left was also the night I received a brother. The human wench, Izayoi, which I latter found out was her name; had birthed an Inu-Youkai, or half demon. Who answered to the name Inu-Yasha. I did not bother with my brother in fact I found him appalling and nothing but a disgrace to my fathers already scarred reputation. I took up the duties of my father at once. I ruled the Western Lands for 15 years never changing. Until the night of January 10th it was the night of a lunar eclipse.

I'd been sitting in the gardens when a call came for me. I always had enjoyed the gardens and still do to this day perhaps that is why I chose to journey through the forest for so many years with no goal; but I will get to that later.

Kali the Lord of the Southern Lands came in aid of my help for his sector was under attack by a rather rowdy clan of wolf demons. The wolves were always starting trouble. My father and I of course were descendants of the wolves but we were a much more proud race of demon, the dog.

Kali came seeking my help and I denied him. I believe strongly that if a man does not have enough strength of his own to defend his own kingdom then he is not worthy of ruling it. I being young, (Only in my early 200's) did not realize my error. After the Southern Lands were taken over by the wolves they took it upon themselves to lash out at us. The Western Lands fell to their control. Leaving me severely injured not just in body but pride; remembering my reflection of a man who could not defend his kingdom did not deserve to rule; I backed down.

And this is where my story truly begins. I left the Kingdom of the west and head up into the mountain terrain. I traveled by night forcing myself to rely on my other sense's beside sight.

I had let life harden me to the point that I cared for nothing and no one and I wished only my success. I thought often of my mother while I traveled farther and farther away from civilization. That was when I really first realized my love for nature.

I woke in the morning to find the first traces of snow littering my kimono. It was not enough to be worried about but the cold irritated me. I preferred a warm breeze to anything else. I rose stretching out I groped around for my armor. I felt naked with out it on and I did not like feeling vulnerable. I retied my sash. And hefted my weapons. A single sword . . . left to me by my father. It was a pointless weapon. The blade could not cut down another being and it was too feeble to block with. Why my father had left me such a worthless piece of shit was beyond me. Yet I continued to carry it around year after year. I figured it must have some purpose, besides pissing me off. My father never did anything without reason. This was before I had realized he'd left the Tetsusaiga, his ultimate weapon to that Halfling brother of mine. Or I would not have been wandering aimlessly around; but instead taking it upon myself to dispose of the Tetsusaiga's heir. Of course I knew where my half brother lived; I could smell his stench from miles away. And I have traveled these lands far and wide. But he was of no concern to me. Plus the treatment he received from the villagers was more cruel then any death I, Sesshomaru could give him.

Humans have a way of picking up on one another's weakness and digging at them till no end. Humans such dumb creatures. They will be the death of themselves. Suspicion and terror pulls them apart. Fear clouds there judgment, anything unexplainable is to be evil. Humans do in fact have the capability of out living us demons. But once we're gone they'll turn on one other. It's there animal instinct to find the bad guy. They're naturally preyed upon. Yet think they're predators. They can never just be happy and except that's the way life is. They always want more, think they deserve better. Conceded little creatures.

I regained my pace from the day before, it never faltered. I was deep inside the Ateceaz mountains. Winter came early to these parts and the freak weather storms made it un-inhabitable for most. The Mages were rumored to reside deep within the caves atop the mountain. Mystical little being that resembled toads; who dedicated there whole life to the practice of dark arts. The most beautiful girls from the town at the base of the mountain were sent every ten years to act as bridges between the dead and the living.

Plus the old mystic's were still only males and had to feed the desire that burned in them for the warmth of a woman's flesh. That was the price of beauty.

There was no trail to follow. There had originally been a road that had ended a few days back but since then I have relied only on my keen sense of tracking. I follow the way that is the freshest keeping to healthy plants, meaning there is water nearby. A river said to follow up stream carries the girls in boats to the mages. No one is aloud to know of there camp. No one tries too. But intend to be the first.

It's been several days since I've last eaten. Although I can go months without food, I do not enjoy the feeling of hunger ever lingering in the back of my mind. Perhaps the mystics will have a girl they are finished with. There is no life out this far, no red meat for miles. And there is no way I'm eating any plants. Last time I did I constipated for a week!

I shut the book, marking my page by bending the edge. Humans? Demons? Mystic's? What am I reading? Sesshomaru, Inu-Yasha what kinds of names? I toss the book on the floor and stand up to stretch my legs; keeping low for the ceiling here is low. I could probably leave now. I doubted that my bullies would dedicate this much time to me. Even if it was just to beat me up. My knee was stiff shaking it out I rubbed it a bit. It was sore. And probably a little scratched, nothing I couldn't deal with though. Tossing my trash back into my bag; I stood to make my way back towards the entrance. Yet it seemed such a shame to leave this place. And all it's eerie glory. The velvet book seemed to call my name. Just a little bit longer. Mom wouldn't be worried not yet. I dropped my bag and settled back into my chair. Re-opening to my page . . .

Okay so there you have it chapter two. Or should I say chapter 1. LOL! Okay well please review.


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